I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
