so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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