I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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