i was born a porn star she said
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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