Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
