my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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