evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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