It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
