I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
