apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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