i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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