I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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