No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
