Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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