I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
