If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize