my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
