our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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