I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize