if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
