hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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