Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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