Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize