his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize