I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
