Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
