you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
