I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Two words: nipple clamps
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