I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
