I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We left an ass print on the piano.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize