Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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