she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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