My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
