What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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