I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
