dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
