final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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