Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
