trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
