I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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