dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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