I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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