I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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