Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
