If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
