high people should be assigned attendants
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
