I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
