I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
