I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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