cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
