There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
