so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
