We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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