I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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