shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize