just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
