Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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