I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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