I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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