I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
