The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
