he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
