dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
