Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Boobs are out for the taking
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
